Sunday, January 8, 2017

Where Have All the Ronis Gone?

Growing up as a kid, we used to enjoy a plethora of Ronis. There was Rice-A-Roni, Beefaroni, pepperoni... the list goes on and on. But where did they all go? It seems that everyone now is either a vegan, gluten-free, or just plain opposed to roni supplements added to their diets. The madness must stop.

Sure, you can search the grocery store aisles for these products, but damned if you'll find them. Perhaps, if you are lucky enough, or conniving enough, you can sneak behind the scenes. You may be able to find an old dented can, with Chef Boyardee's face on it, rolling around under a shelving unit. Maybe you can find an open box of Rice-A-Roni, that the mice have been picking at for years, back in the dark corners of a deserted warehouse.

I've invited some guests here today to speak out against this atrocity.

"Peppa, would you like to come up and say a few words?"
"My name is actually, Peppa Pig, not Peppa Roni."
"Well, your agent told me that you were looking for work. You're free to leave if you want, or you can come up here, read the cards that were given to you when you walked in the door, and collect your paycheck. Otherwise, you can leave right now and not get paid."
"Okay. Just let me get my reading glasses."
"Thank you."

"Yes, I see a hand in the back. Sir, do you have something to say?"
A gentleman in the back row stands up, "Ayyy."

"Oh, Mr. Fonzaroni, I didn't know you were going to be here."
"Whoa," he says as he sits back down.

Anyway, if you love roni, as much as I do, make a New Year's resolution that you can keep; seek out and consume roni!
And remember kids, Rice-A-Roni is the San Fransisco treat, but you don't have to be from California to enjoy it.

Please join us next week when we discuss You'll Never Find Another Pasta Like Mine; Prince Spaghetti Day VS. San Giorgio: the Great Spaghetti in a Great Spaghetti Town.

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